Marriage and Finances: How Spending Reflects Your Values
In marriage, how you manage money is rarely just about dollars and cents. Buying a luxury car isn’t only about transportation—a Honda Accord can get you from Point A to Point B just fine. A tailored suit doesn’t simply cover your body; sweatpants do that too. Similarly, listening to your partner isn’t just about exchanging information—that’s what podcasts or audiobooks are for.
In other words, how couples spend their time, energy, and money communicates deeper values. In marriage, finances aren’t just numbers on a spreadsheet—they are expressions of priorities, values, and intentions. Misalignment here can lead to conflict, stress, and feelings of disconnection.
I work with many couples—and men in particular—who realize they are off course financially and emotionally but aren’t sure how to regain balance. Here are three strategies to help realign your finances with your values:
1. Practice gratitude together
Being grateful for what you have—your partner, your home, your financial progress—reminds you of shared values. Research shows that practicing gratitude improves mental health, reduces stress, and strengthens relationships. In a financial context, it can shift the focus from scarcity to abundance, helping you make mindful decisions together.
2. Take on a challenging goal
Whether it’s training for a long race, learning a new skill, or committing to a savings goal, tackling something difficult together builds resilience. The process provides clarity about priorities and values, which can translate into more intentional financial choices.
3. Recall moments of alignment
Think back to times when you felt fully connected to your partner and confident in your shared decisions. Journal or visualize these moments, and consider how your current financial decisions reflect—or don’t reflect—those values.
Ultimately, marriage and finances are deeply intertwined. How you spend your money, time, and energy is a signal—to yourself and your spouse—about what truly matters. By aligning your financial choices with your shared values, you strengthen your connection and ensure that your actions support the life and relationship you want to create.