The Power of Verbal and Nonverbal Communication in Relationships
Communication is not a static skill—it evolves with time, context, and the nature of the relationship. One powerful personal reminder of this came from my relationship with Hank, my 14-year-old dog and faithful companion of over a decade. Once a lively trail runner and camping sidekick, Hank now prefers quiet walks around the neighborhood. His hearing has faded, and with it, so has our reliance on verbal cues.
Our communication has shifted—from verbal commands to visual signals, from spoken words to gestures. He still wants to follow, still wants to connect—but now he needs to see us to know which way to go. It’s a gentle but profound metaphor for the way human communication changes, too.
This shift is not unique to aging pets. It’s a reality for every relationship—romantic, professional, familial, or platonic. Over time, communication styles must adapt. What once worked may need to be reshaped. Verbal and nonverbal communication both carry deep weight, and understanding their impact is key to personal and relational growth.
The late Austrian family therapist and communication theorist, Paul Watzlawick, proposed the Five Axioms of Communication. Two of his most foundational ideas help us frame these shifts:
1. “One cannot, not communicate.”
This means everything about us sends a message:
Our tone of voice, or lack thereof
The way we sit in a meeting
The text left on “read”
The silence between partners in the kitchen
Even when we say nothing, we are still saying something. Our bodies, expressions, posture, and behavior all convey emotion and intent. This is the essence of nonverbal communication, and it often speaks louder than our words.
2. “Every communication has a content and relationship aspect.”
According to Watzlawick, what we say (content) is always affected by the relationship between the people involved (relationship aspect). For example:
Saying “Don’t be crazy” might make your best friend laugh.
Saying the same thing to a coworker in a meeting might confuse or offend them.
The context, tone, and history between two people shape how any message is received. In other words, how you say something matters just as much as what you say—and to whom.
Why This Matters
Being aware of both verbal and nonverbal communication styles is vital for healthy, effective relationships. Whether you're guiding an aging dog, navigating a new phase in a marriage, or managing a team at work, knowing that every movement, every pause, and every word carries meaning can help you connect more deeply.
So next time you find yourself unsure of what to say, remember: you’re already communicating. The key is to become more intentional about the message you’re sending—with both your words and your presence.
Want help improving your communication in relationships or work?
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